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June 28, 2004
Public Service Announcement #2
You might ask why on earth would I want to give up my European vacations to visit the States? I bet many of you have already guessed the answer �
STEVE GETS OUT OF PRISON ON 6 JULY!!!!!
For the one percent of you that do not know, Steve is my ex-husband and father of my boys. He suffers from severe Bipolar Disorder. The last ten years of our lives have been quite a roller coaster ride. I could rant for days (okay, so I already have) about how hopelessly broken the mental health system is. It took Steve, his dad and I, nearly four years to get proper treatment for Steve. Back in the 70's a law was passed that was intended to protect citizens from being incarcerated in mental institutions for no good reason. The far-reaching effect of this law has been to deny mental health treatment to people who desperately need it. This law has been directly responsible for the vast number of mentally ill homeless people. It also had the unintended effect of preventing people who are in crisis from getting treatment until they ended up committing a crime and going to jail. We are living proof of this.
Steve did not ask for this disease. Nor did he cause it through lifestyle choices. Period. For those in the back of the audience that didn't hear me, IT IS NOT HIS FAULT THAT HE HAS A MENTAL ILLNESS. Without getting too personal, Steve's illness is so longstanding that we are not really sure when it started but it was most likely around his preteen years. Steve muddled through some really bad depressive episodes by himself as a teenager, which led to drug use. This is a classic symptom of bipolar disorder. When you feel bad long enough, you will do anything to make the pain stop.
Amazingly enough, Steve was able to turn his life around and have a military career that included rising through the ranks at the fastest rate possible. This is nearly unheard of in the Navy medical field. He had a hand in directly conducting some of the very diving research that still stands as the gold standard today, not only for the military but also for the civilian sector. In short, Steve is one of the most intelligent people I know.
That isn't exactly surprising though. As a matter of fact, the majority of people who suffer from bipolar and also schizophrenia can be measured as having genius level intellect. Some of his fellow sufferers include: Vincent Van Gogh, Patty Duke Astin, Buzz Aldrin, Mariette Hartley, Carrie Fisher, Hans Christian Anderson, Ernest Hemingway, Peter Tchaikovsky, Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, Michelangelo, Sting, Ben Stiller, Margot Kidder and many, many more. Many of these folks (the ones that are still alive anyway, talk publically about their disorder.
One of the biggest barriers to getting help is the stigma that is attached to having a disorder such as bipolar. It is perfectly socially acceptable to be on antidepressants (so much so that most non medical people don't even think of depression as a mental illness anymore) but the line is still drawn at disorders that involve psychosis. Patty Duke Astin has a wonderful autobiography that chronicles her spiral down and then the long climb out of the black hole. Mariette Hartley, Carrie Fisher, Ben Stiller and Buzz Aldrin have also spoken publically about living with bipolar disorder.
Which brings me back around to Steve. He has paid for his disorder and the results of his last psychotic episode (which ended in assaulting someone) by spending 2 + years in prison. HE HAS PAID. The fallout of this is something we will be working through for a long time to come. He has lost nearly everything. He is starting from ground zero. He is more fortunate than others who end up in prison though. He has family and friends that have supported him through this nightmare and will continue to do so as he gets his life back together. He will be living in Danville for the next year or two with his brother. His dad has a muffler shop there that he will work in.
No matter what happens at the end of my stay in Sicily (whether I take another duty station in Great Lakes, Illinois or I retire and go to Carbondale, Illinois), Steve is going to be part of it. I know this is going to cause confusion and concern from those that love me. All I can do is ask you to use this post to educate yourself about bipolar disorder and to believe that I am doing what is best for my family. I don't often ask for support from anyone but I am asking it now. Please don't judge Steve for his past. HE HAS PAID. Got the receipt and everything. There is no human way to quantify the humiliation of losing control over yourself. Steve is well aware that people talk about him, so I am writing this to make it that much easier for people to look him in the eye. Rumors cripple people, truth heals. I welcome your comments, emails or phone calls to answer questions.
I need for people around us to understand that it is not as simple as Steve walking out of the gate of the prison. There has been MUCH behind the scenes work done to build safety nets. He happens to have the world's best father, who quite simply, should be given a Nobel Peace Prize for all of the things he has done for Steve, and for me.
I don't know what the future holds for Steve and I. I have already had three people ask me if we will get back together. I have no idea how to answer this. I never wanted to be divorced in the first place. But I am also a lot more wary now. I divorced him out of sheer desperation and hopelessness and I never, ever want to go down that road again without some serious assurances.
His mom once asked me why I married him. Simple. The answer is the same today as it was on the very day I met him. He is the kindest, most generous and loving person I have ever met. He would (and has) give you the shirt off his back, if he thought you needed it. I am sorry for the nightmare we all went through but I am certainly NOT sorry I married him. I loved him then and I love him now. More importantly, his children love him unconditionally. I am extremely happy to say that through letters and phone calls, we have been able to at least become friends and to respect each other again. That is the minimum that we expect.
I know this is almost novel length and I thank you for getting this far. Don't stop here though, here are some links to learn about bipolar disorder:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm
http://www.pendulum.org/ (this is my favorite site for answering questions)
http://www.bipolarfamily.com (this is a messy site but chock full of information for family and friends of those with bipolar disorder).
http://www.bpso.org (bipolar parents)
http://www.bipolarsurvivor.com/
Posted by DebC at 09:34 AM | Comments (4)
June 25, 2004
Public Service Announcement #1
It is nearly official - I will be coming for a visit to Illinois during the first two weeks of August. I am still working out the dates because the military flight system hasn’t officially released the August dates yet. I am fairly certain that we will leave Sicily on the 1st of August.
I am sad to say that this will not be a traveling road show like I usually do. I will spend a day or so in the Chicago area, about three or so days in the Cobden area and the majority in the Danville area. That does NOT mean that we don’t want to see family and friends. If you can make it to Illinois, I will do my level best to work your trip in with mine.
The boys and I will fly into Norfolk and then take a commercial flight to Chicago where we will rent a car. The rest of our itinerary will depend on a few things that are out of my control right this minute. I know that Kim is planning to come to Cobden during the first week of August, so we will hopefully be able to coordinate.
I should have almost two weeks in Illinois but I am not completely sure when we will return to Sicily. We will fly commercial from Chicago back to Norfolk on the 13th of August. We will then cross every toe and every finger that we can get back on the military flight on the 14th. We will not be flying the highest priority, so it is always nerve wracking trying to get home. I have had incredibly good luck so far, I just need to figure out what offering the Gods of MAC want to be happy with us.
Part two of this Public Service Announcement will let you in on WHY I am coming! Stay tuned.
Posted by DebC at 08:04 AM | Comments (2)
June 24, 2004
Here is how to take Duct tape to a higher plane
The Duct Tape Club
Posted by DebC at 08:32 AM
June 18, 2004
Bizarro
I must admit to spending an absurd amount of time clicking on this. Thank's a lot Wendy - you really shouldn't feed my propensity to waste time!
Posted by DebC at 11:00 AM
June 15, 2004
I wish I had something fascinating to say
But I don't so I will just say that yesterday was my birthday and it was very nice. I made a carrot cake and played some wild dominoes with my neighbors. They gave me a cartusch necklace which says "deb".
Kim made some really cute sheep beads for me too. I am happy to report that I did not make my usual expensive birthday purchase this year. I must be a good girl and live within my b.u.d.g.e.t.
Last weekend was my teenage babysitter's highschool graduation. She is so cool, I know she will do well with whatever she chooses to do. I put some pictures of the guys in the photo album (but not my neighbor because I didn't ask her).
Posted by DebC at 07:21 PM | Comments (1)
June 03, 2004
Shameless Bragging
I wanted to brag on my sister Kim for a minute. I suggested to her a while ago that she could put her new found glass bead making skills into making these knitting doodads called stitch markers for me. These things help me keep count of stitches so I don't have to keep counting all the time. She accepted my challenge with glee and the finished result is AMAZING! She could easily make more than a few bucks to support her hobby by selling these to my friends. A set of six will sell for $20. You can see them here in my knitting album.
The package arrived today in the middle of the busiest week ever, so the child-like joy at recieving a package was welcome. I am in the middle of teaching a sixteen hour childbirth instructor course. While it is fun, it is a major time suck. And some idiot scheduled a major project (requiring three two hour meetings), starting last week Oh wait, that was ME. That project is to trouble shoot the tracking system for the hospital's outpatient records (sounds boring huh?). The group is actually quite lively and filled with smart alecks like me.
Good stuff going on with the boys. They are finished with little league and loved it. We are now officially a sports participating family, which is truly a bizarre concept for me. I am a conscientious sports objector.
Brag alert:
Eli took a national test called Terra Nova and scored in the 99th percentile for reading among third graders (I have no idea how many third graders took the test but geez louise!). His teacher had emailed me out of the blue several weeks ago to tell me that he and a counselor were testing all of his class and they were shocked at how well he not only reads but grasps difficult concepts. WOOHOO! Go Eli go! The rest of the scores on the test were also way above the national average.
Funny:
Jake: Mom, what happened to my Dorritos?
Eli: Ummm, Jake... Your Doritos were involved in a terrible accident.
Mom: Yah, they fell into my mouth. I tried to stop them.
Eli: Mom tried sending their Dorrito buddies to pull them up from the dark hole but they were too far gone. The rescuers fell in too.
Mom: News at eleven.
Jake: MOOOOOOOM, THAT IS NOT FUNNY!
I think the funniest thing about this exchange is that it was completely spontaneous, unrehearsed. Poor Jake. He does not share our dark humor.
Posted by DebC at 07:09 PM | Comments (4)