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June 28, 2004

Public Service Announcement #2

You might ask why on earth would I want to give up my European vacations to visit the States? I bet many of you have already guessed the answer �

STEVE GETS OUT OF PRISON ON 6 JULY!!!!!

For the one percent of you that do not know, Steve is my ex-husband and father of my boys. He suffers from severe Bipolar Disorder. The last ten years of our lives have been quite a roller coaster ride. I could rant for days (okay, so I already have) about how hopelessly broken the mental health system is. It took Steve, his dad and I, nearly four years to get proper treatment for Steve. Back in the 70's a law was passed that was intended to protect citizens from being incarcerated in mental institutions for no good reason. The far-reaching effect of this law has been to deny mental health treatment to people who desperately need it. This law has been directly responsible for the vast number of mentally ill homeless people. It also had the unintended effect of preventing people who are in crisis from getting treatment until they ended up committing a crime and going to jail. We are living proof of this.

Steve did not ask for this disease. Nor did he cause it through lifestyle choices. Period. For those in the back of the audience that didn't hear me, IT IS NOT HIS FAULT THAT HE HAS A MENTAL ILLNESS. Without getting too personal, Steve's illness is so longstanding that we are not really sure when it started but it was most likely around his preteen years. Steve muddled through some really bad depressive episodes by himself as a teenager, which led to drug use. This is a classic symptom of bipolar disorder. When you feel bad long enough, you will do anything to make the pain stop.

Amazingly enough, Steve was able to turn his life around and have a military career that included rising through the ranks at the fastest rate possible. This is nearly unheard of in the Navy medical field. He had a hand in directly conducting some of the very diving research that still stands as the gold standard today, not only for the military but also for the civilian sector. In short, Steve is one of the most intelligent people I know.

That isn't exactly surprising though. As a matter of fact, the majority of people who suffer from bipolar and also schizophrenia can be measured as having genius level intellect. Some of his fellow sufferers include: Vincent Van Gogh, Patty Duke Astin, Buzz Aldrin, Mariette Hartley, Carrie Fisher, Hans Christian Anderson, Ernest Hemingway, Peter Tchaikovsky, Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, Michelangelo, Sting, Ben Stiller, Margot Kidder and many, many more. Many of these folks (the ones that are still alive anyway, talk publically about their disorder.

One of the biggest barriers to getting help is the stigma that is attached to having a disorder such as bipolar. It is perfectly socially acceptable to be on antidepressants (so much so that most non medical people don't even think of depression as a mental illness anymore) but the line is still drawn at disorders that involve psychosis. Patty Duke Astin has a wonderful autobiography that chronicles her spiral down and then the long climb out of the black hole. Mariette Hartley, Carrie Fisher, Ben Stiller and Buzz Aldrin have also spoken publically about living with bipolar disorder.

Which brings me back around to Steve. He has paid for his disorder and the results of his last psychotic episode (which ended in assaulting someone) by spending 2 + years in prison. HE HAS PAID. The fallout of this is something we will be working through for a long time to come. He has lost nearly everything. He is starting from ground zero. He is more fortunate than others who end up in prison though. He has family and friends that have supported him through this nightmare and will continue to do so as he gets his life back together. He will be living in Danville for the next year or two with his brother. His dad has a muffler shop there that he will work in.

No matter what happens at the end of my stay in Sicily (whether I take another duty station in Great Lakes, Illinois or I retire and go to Carbondale, Illinois), Steve is going to be part of it. I know this is going to cause confusion and concern from those that love me. All I can do is ask you to use this post to educate yourself about bipolar disorder and to believe that I am doing what is best for my family. I don't often ask for support from anyone but I am asking it now. Please don't judge Steve for his past. HE HAS PAID. Got the receipt and everything. There is no human way to quantify the humiliation of losing control over yourself. Steve is well aware that people talk about him, so I am writing this to make it that much easier for people to look him in the eye. Rumors cripple people, truth heals. I welcome your comments, emails or phone calls to answer questions.

I need for people around us to understand that it is not as simple as Steve walking out of the gate of the prison. There has been MUCH behind the scenes work done to build safety nets. He happens to have the world's best father, who quite simply, should be given a Nobel Peace Prize for all of the things he has done for Steve, and for me.

I don't know what the future holds for Steve and I. I have already had three people ask me if we will get back together. I have no idea how to answer this. I never wanted to be divorced in the first place. But I am also a lot more wary now. I divorced him out of sheer desperation and hopelessness and I never, ever want to go down that road again without some serious assurances.

His mom once asked me why I married him. Simple. The answer is the same today as it was on the very day I met him. He is the kindest, most generous and loving person I have ever met. He would (and has) give you the shirt off his back, if he thought you needed it. I am sorry for the nightmare we all went through but I am certainly NOT sorry I married him. I loved him then and I love him now. More importantly, his children love him unconditionally. I am extremely happy to say that through letters and phone calls, we have been able to at least become friends and to respect each other again. That is the minimum that we expect.

I know this is almost novel length and I thank you for getting this far. Don't stop here though, here are some links to learn about bipolar disorder:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm

http://www.pendulum.org/ (this is my favorite site for answering questions)

http://www.bipolarfamily.com (this is a messy site but chock full of information for family and friends of those with bipolar disorder).

http://www.bpso.org (bipolar parents)

http://www.mcmanweb.com/

http://www.dbsalliance.org/

http://www.bipolarsurvivor.com/

Posted by DebC at June 28, 2004 09:34 AM

Comments

Posted by: Kim at June 28, 2004 01:33 PM

Posted by: belva at June 28, 2004 03:35 PM

Posted by: Carol at June 28, 2004 05:00 PM

Posted by: belva at June 29, 2004 08:26 PM